looking up

On my back, I am looking into a bank of lights as they insert an IV, attach electrodes and talk to each other. 

It's the weight. I know. 

"It's going to kill you someday," I've heard many times.

I've lost and gained and lost and gained for a lifetime. I'm on the gaining side of that equation now, with every bit of excuse and explanation possible. Genes, all those fat Todds; love of food; lack of time for exercise; lack of discipline.

Today it all comes to this after chest pains and feeling spacey.

All around me, the doctor and nurses are busy, doing their thing. 

I focus just left of the lights and try to remember what I said to Tiffany last, and Rowan and Sadie. Just in case. Thoughts I could hang onto.

"Am I right with God?" I think. 

I hope so. I try to be. 

It turns out to be nothing. I have a heart that skips beats and produces an irregular heartbeat every now and then. I should lose weight. I should get some rest. I shouldn't let stress get the better of me.

Just now, I remember looking just left of those lights. Seems like I have to do better. Get that health, work, family balance into something resembling plumb. This is tough.